Attitude of Gratitude

Tonight in Step Study the lesson is on Gratitude.. One of my favorite lessons in the whole step study series. The first question asks why should I have an attitude of gratitude? My first answer and quite brief one would be that it keeps me level headed, brings me back down to reality. Let's me see where I've come from and to appreciate the journey I'm on now.  I know that I've gone from having and attitude of ingratitude to gratitude. I know that I was very ungrateful for my life before recovery-I mean I was considering suicide and all that implies, I had written more than one suicide note to DS. I hated life, didn't want to live. I lived in complete selfishness and self-centering ruled my day. I was a complete and total wah-wah baby.

I know I came into CR with hurts, habits, and hang-ups; I felt used up and abused, felt the guilt & shame of that abuse. I hated myself, felt like I was put on this earth just to be a kicking stone. I was hopeless and far from God, wondering why my so called christian life had turned out so wrong. God was not a loving Father, but instead He was this mean monster that had it out for me.

One of the miracles of CR is found through a relationship with Christ. Because I know who pulled me  out of the pit of despair. God is no longer that monster I made him out to be, He is that loving Father, I just had my eyes fixed on the negative things, focused there. I chose to be the unhappy person. But through the miracle of CR-walking through my hurts, habits & hangups - I was able to pull all the nasty layers of my heart and allow God to walk in and heal my wounds and let Him love on me, and I accepted that love for the first time-which led to the utmost, heart-felt attitude of gratitude.  Without a doubt I know that Jesus loves me!

My old sponsor used to talk a lot about having an Attitude of Gratitude. She would say that if you're grateful for something or someone, you have a responsibility to it. So if I got to thinking today, if I am grateful to God, I will live a life devoted to Him through daily inventory, reading the word, prayer, meditation, and living a life of service. If I am grateful for my church, I will get out of the pew and get involved, because there is so much to do. If I am grateful for my family, I will love on them and spend time with them. I will make time for them because they are a priority. If I am grateful for CR, I will give back. To you ladies in my group, I want to say you don't have to wait until you've finished this 12 step group to give back. And when you do complete this group in the next couple of weeks, become a sponsor, a small group leader, a step study leader. Join the team!! Give others the hope you have been given. So that's why I do gratitude lists, that's why me and Nae play the glad game a lot. Because we are choosing to look at what we DO have and not stay on the negatives in our life. Which helps me get out of that negative attitude which could lead me down the wrong path again.



And just a reminder to myself when the days come when my gratitude is running low, and I'm caught up in the stresses and pressures of life, not feeling loved, can't see the sunrise for the mountain of tax returns on my desk :). That's when I need to remember where I've come from and I need to wake up and realize that I don't live there anymore. I need to sit down and talk it out with God. Use the tools given to me in CR and write that gratitude list (aka the Glad game) and find someone to talk to it about. Then I need to find someone who is hurting (and I know I won't have to look far); I need to be the ear to listen to them, I need to encourage them and most importantly just love them.

Choose Gratitude vs. grumbling!  Remember to do what you can, with what you have, where you are. Be Doers of the Word.